I have been diagnosed with a complex lesion on my left ovary, which really shocked me. I have always thought of my right ovary as the temperamental one.
Two weeks from now I'm to have another ultrasound, which will tell my (new and wonderful) gynecologist whether I need to have a laparoscopic removal of my left ovary. If that is scheduled, they will immediately freeze and biopsy my ovary. If they find any cancerous cells, they will whisk me away to surgery to perform a staging operation. That means they take out the whole kit and caboodle. I will wake up a few pounds lighter with a big cut on my belly.
I'm just a bit frightened about this. I've known for two months now about the cyst, but until last Tuesday, didn't know the potential next steps.
I woke up in the middle of the night on Tuesday/Wednesday and all that emotion that I hadn't processed came to the fore. I thought of my collection of hankies from both my Grandmothers and dug them out of my dresser. I thought that they should be part of my healing process, and that perhaps I would embroider or bead on them.
I typed up a proposal and sent it to a few friends to witness for me. That way I knew I wouldn't just dismiss this as an unimportant idea. And I wanted some support. Having heard back from 4 of the 5 women to whom I sent my idea, I've decided to make this a public project. Two of the women expressed their strong connection to the grandmother connection, one having a positive experience and the other not. I am compelled to share my process so that it may inspire others to explore the gifts from their grandmothers (known and unknown).
My hope is that this project will help others learn about the healing power of art, and will also help them honor the wisdom of their grandmothers for many generations.
Next, I woke up Wednesday / Thursday early in the morning, really pissed off. I knew that there was no way that my anger could be channeled into slow stitching on hankies. I went down to the basement, taped together 6 sheets of 14" by 16" paper, taped it to the door, and armed with my crayons, let 'er rip! Six sheets of various size poster boards later, I had reached a place of calm clarity.
I probably will not share this, as it is full of rage at the experiences life has given me. There are many of us who have similar stories. But when my anger was released, I developed several statements to embroider on hankies. I created a powerpoint presentation that outlines the project, some of my questions about it, and the statements that I will pick from to embroider on the hankies. You can read it HERE.
I can think of no more fitting way to honor all of our grandmothers than to create this healing project using the hankies that were gifts from them or used by them.
One of my friends suggested that I also do some improvisational beading on the hankies, since words access logic, and the beading will access my emotions. I will be posting these hankies and my experiences as I go along. I welcome your comments and sharing of your experiences.
3 comments:
Blessings and prayers for you and your health concerns. I love the tributes to your grandmother and while stitching your handkerchiefs may their presence comfort you! I feel very healed myself when I am needleworking and my grandmother taught me how to do all the needleworks when I was young. My needles of all sorts have been a constant in my everchanging life. Blessings again!
I shall be following this process with great affection and optimism for you, Vicki! To think that it all started with a cyst... and already it's taken you to your Italian roots, to questioning and imagining your Gram's learning to crochet. How sweet is that?! Will you be taking your first stitched hankies with you to your surgery? I think they'd be like having your Gram's there watching over you and holding your hands. Healing is already happening... crayon work (which I'd like to witness) and stitching!
DebraAnn, Thanks so much for your prayers. We are so fortunate to have had grandmothers that taught us to love needlework!
Robin, Thanks for your support and optimism. I will indeed take my first stitched hankie with me. As for my crayon work, it needs to be edited before I could show it ;-)
Post a Comment